Shift of Focus

In the past few days the focus has shifted off the whole mess with my mom and the car and onto Izzy’s recurrent fevers. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before but my daughter has been getting recurrent fevers since last summer and these just keep coming back, nonstop. In all, she was sick with fevers that summer probably over seven times. It was the most stressful, terrible summer ever. The only reason we were able to stop the fevers for the time being was because they found that she has a minor case of Urinary Reflux and gave her medication to make sure she doesn’t get UTI’s, which could cause the fever to come back and make the Urinary Reflux even worse. The medicine seemed to have been working, up until a week or so ago and she is back to getting unpredictable, recurrent fevers.

In addition, we know that there’s something else going on here because they tested her urine and only once out of about four or five times they confirmed that it was indeed a UTI, even if the colony was small and it was kind of iffy. This is where most of our panic comes from, we knew that the antibiotics they gave us to treat her Urinary Reflux wasn’t going to make whatever else is going on better. We wanted to keep looking for the answer but the antibiotics were helping her and she was acting more like herself and loving school, that we couldn’t imagine taking her off the medicine or dragging her to all the other doctors again.

Well, now since she’s getting fevers again, even though she’s not crying too much or anything, just doesn’t want to do much but lay on the couch when they happen, I found myself in panic mode all over again. Last time my daughter was getting sick, I retreated into myself, stopped working out, working on my business or doing anything that could benefit me in any way at all. All I could think about was her and helping her get through this and finding out what was going on and why it kept happening. I remember being in a daze, just going through the motions. I would take care of the cranky, sick, demanding kids during the day and then drink alcohol and binge watch TV shows at night. It was not a good place to be where I was.

Now, on Monday, when I realized that it’s happening again and could not just be a cold that she picked up from her brother who had just gotten over a cold himself, I closed off again. I stopped caring about everything else and was racking my brain, trying to see if I could do anything or try to do anything that could potentially help us solve my daughter’s fever troubles. I even started smoking again, that’s how stressed and completely out of control I felt again. I don’t think there are many things that can make you feel as out of control as your kids can. The uncertainty of not knowing how we will navigate this and what is even going on, freaked me out. I didn’t work out, stopped taking care of myself, started smoking after the kids have gone to bed in order to calm myself down in some small way.

And then yesterday it feels like my prayers were answered, even if in an uncertain way at this point. I remember feeling like I need to do anything in my power in order to see if there are moms out there who are going through the same things with their kiddos or maybe have gone through it already in the past. So how did I decide to do that? By posting my problem into all the mommy groups I am part of on Facebook. I have never done this before but it seemed appropriate to utilize this channel considering Facebook can reach so many more people then is possible in any other way.

Almost right away, or maybe a few hours later, a woman commented that she was going through the same thing with her daughter and they finally diagnosed it as PFAPA after six years! I had no idea what that was but after reading about it, I got goosebumps because it sounded like exactly what Izzy was experiencing and going through. That’s when I started to feel like there was hope again and like God heard my prayers. What made this even better was that Izzy has an appointment with a Rheumatologist on the 28th and the timing couldn’t have been better. I have a good feeling about this and feel like we are on the right track, finally! We have scheduled this appointment like over half a year ago because it was difficult to get in but I am definitely grateful that we didn’t cancel it when we thought that Izzy was better already and wouldn’t need to see any more doctors.

It’s kind of amazing, when things like this happen, they make you realize that everything else doesn’t matter at all. As long as everyone is healthy, what more is there? Like for real, I am beyond done with this whole issue with my mom and Mike, I am now focused on making sure we figure out what is going on with my baby girl and how we can fix it for good so that she can go on with her life and won’t be hindered by being sick and feeling down all the time.

2 thoughts on “Shift of Focus

  1. I hope you find out the reason your poor girl is getting these fevers. I’m so sorry you both are going through this. I don’t have children, but I am sure I would be the exact same way. Please keep me updated on how shes doing. Sending hugs your way.

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